It's the Little Things That Get You.

Over the last couple of years my dad has been slowly declining. He has lost memory here and there. Lost his ability to recall words, now has a limp, can't follow a list of verbal instructions, has very little short term memory, has bladder spasms, problems with his vision and eyesight on and off, lack of personal care. However, it is the small things that crop up that disturb me the most. I understand that his is going to have his limp the rest of his life, his brain has affected the function of that side of his body and the way the muscles-brain communication happens. Yet, what I have more trouble dealing with is when he is short with me or my mom for no reason other than he is just feeling, well, childish is the best way to associate it. Or when he has entire conversations with people and you ask him what was said and he has no idea what he just talked about AT ALL! He was not processing what he or the other person was saying. I understand the big things like his body is going to start failing, that is not to say I have accepted it, but it is the multiple ways that the mind can turn on someone that truly upsets and unsettles me. Something that makes you who you are, where your personality is rooted, can be all upset and changed because of something like a disease and as of today there is no recourse one day you just cease to exist as everyone has known and loved you and you become someone else. Basically a stranger that people have to learn all new habits and personality traits about, while mourning for the loss of the person you used to be.