Hereditary

So CADASIL is hereditary. There is a test that can be done to see if I have it, but I decided, when my dad started to decline very fast, that I would not get tested. I decided that knowing would just put a rain cloud over everything I did and experienced. If I started to feel strange one day I would wonder if I was having a stroke, because i KNEW that one day this disease would be descending upon me.
Not knowing however, creates an issue of "maybe, maybe not". My future might be the one that I had always envisioned of getting older, retiring etc., or it will be one like my fathers, of confusion, frustration, and decline. I have tried to live my life as more of a lesson learned from what has happened to my dad. Living for today and such. But I cannot seem to forget what my tomorrows may hold and the fear what it brings.